Sunday, January 27, 2008

A Pact with God

Finding a partner is a relatively hard thing to do. Finding a mate in the Village is even harder, considering the average Faux Hillary probably gave hand jobs to a couple of potential partners at sleep away camp or copped a feel in the park outside Forest Hill Village Elementary during high school to a few others. No one wants to go back marked territory, ya know?

So HOW does one find a mate these days? Damned if I know, I'm gay - and it's a totally different world (for reasons I don't really comprehend)... but for the straights there are three primary options:

1) The Set-Up
- a friend says: "hey have you ever met my friend Benji - he's a lawyer at McMillan Binch, went to Associated Hebrew Day School, he's two years older then you, just bought a condo, parents belong to Beth Shalom... I think you'd really get along."

2) A Jew-Do
- picture 500 people who vaguely know each other from camp packed into a bar at Yonge and Eglinton. Can you cut the sexual tension with a Challah knife or is it just me?

3) J-Date
- internet dating, you post your profile and as in the Beach Boy tome Surf City - there are two girls for every boy (if I was straight - man oh man - I'd be married right now, sexually unfulfilled but...), you meet and realize you have 35 common friends on Facebook. The internet has expidated the process... Mazel tov all around!

So what to do if you still can't find a life-partner? You turn to God.

Take my friend - the Village's Favourite Oyster -and her best friend Naomi. Naomi realized that at 23 she'd never had a proper boyfriend and decided it was high time for something beyond a casual relationship. So... eschewing the ever popular J-Date Naomi turned to religion. And by religion I don't mean ditching designer denim for long skirts and the latest edition of Vogue for a Siddur... I mean she lay in her bed, closed her eyes and went directly to the source - God.

"Dear God - if you send me a nice Jewish boy... I promise to keep kosher and I'll join the Sisterhood at Beth Shalom synagogue." [The Sisterhood is the female volunteer chapter... they organize stuff...]

Not a week later did Naomi run into a suitable mentsch and four dates into their courtship things are going so well that the Sisterhood at Beth Shalom is infused with a new volunteer spirit, a volunteer who is still, thankfully, rocking her Rock and Republics.

Let me know if it works out in the long run Naomi, because hey - I'll join the Brotherhood at Beth Shalom if Hashem sends someone my way. On second thought - maybe I should join the Brotherhood regardless?


Anonymous said...

For we Christians, there's Metropolitan Community Church of Toronto (MCCT) often known as the gay church. While undoubtably meeting the spiritual needs of many who were driven from their evangelical churches in the past, it also serves as a great cruising ground.

The u-shaped balcony provides a great view of the latest cute guys to arrive late to the service with their starbucks and cute little paper shopping bags and the coffee hour afterward in the "social" hall is reminiscent of Woody's but with no - well fewer drag queens.

One of my friends has been quite successful at meeting potential dates at church and even I dated a Brazilian architect for 3 months (til he moved to LA) who approached me over the cookie tray!

All joking aside though, historically people have often met their future partners at places of religious worship - partly because that was often the community they most associated with and partly because they were likely to share similar values...perhaps less of an issue today but still.... :-)

Anonymous said...

Beth Shalom!!.. i congregate there as well.. although i try not to go...

i thought i was the only gay in the village :)