Sunday, January 06, 2008

Village People

Shana Tova.

I am sick. I know dearest readers - especially the 15 year-old girl from Branksome whom I have angered - (although part of me thinks she is perhaps a ruse that a friend is playing on me to ensure that my self-aggrandization is complete) - are quite worried about this latest turn. Don't worry - I think I'll be ok. Actually according to Bold, I'm totally fine.

I have received some hate-mail in recent weeks and for a time I was worried that the JAP population of the Lower Village had declared Fatwah on me, and that one day I'd be found dead, hung by a Gucci purse at Starbucks. KB gets my cashmere collection.

But on to a 2007 year-in review.

Postings: 49
Hate Mail: 3 (can anyone send me some Hot Male instead?)
Outings: 1.5
Heart Broken: 1
Restraining Orders: 0

So far more successful then my fourth year of university.

And now to 2008 - where we run into a visitor from Beantown: Mona, which coincidentally rhymes with Simona - the lyric from that awful James Blunt song I had on repeat for most of the summer as I sat in my apartment drinking red wine wondering my no one loved me. Then I moved on to Hilary Duff instead, since boyfriends are really... "So Yesterday".

I once argued with my friend Kitty Kat as we pranced through RosedAle, [before she left me for that awful place people call - Calgary] that not everyone if given the choice would reside in the lovely hood we like to call Faux Hill. And I wasn't talking explicitly about my future husband's family who clearly has set-up roots on Douglas Drive in the Ale.

"Nonsense," she argued. Who wouldn't want to live in the Village? Kitty Kat insinuated that EVERYONE, if financially able too would choose to buy a mock Tudor on one of Faux Hill's many Wooded named streets (Elderwood, Silverwood, Robinwood)...

I vehemently disagree. I know people who have loads of money but who wouldn't be caught dead at the corner of Spadina and Lonsdale. Or people who probably make as much as my parents do, yet choose to live in the West End or in the Beaches, most likely because they don't really see themselves as Village People. And what are Village People?

Village People run the gamut of being exceptionally wealthy to those who are simply scrapping by; scrapping by of course in designer clothes. Village People subscribe to a lifestyle. A lifestyle of granite counter-tops in the kitchen, and a late-model German sportscar in the driveway. Because of course even the most over-extended shprintzah can afford the above, the Faux often is Faux.

So on to Mona. Mona lives in a Boston equivalent of the Faux. Her neighborhoud is a 1920's garden suburb filled with Mock Tudors, Georgian Revival's, big Oak Trees, and this being America - there's a Whole Foods down the block (and flags, flags as far as the eye can see). God bless America.

Mona came to visit Sim Sim Sima and My Other Mom (Mom) for a couple of days over the Christmas Break. She arrived in quite the spirits, as she had been at a bridge game the night before. Mona plays bridge with a group of neighbourhood ladies, whom I have nicknamed the Brigade. The Brigade is a group of exceptionally, stupidly wealthy socialites who are Mona's neighbours. The Brigade plays a weekly bridge game that depending on the week, Mona may or may not be invited to. See Mona is a stand-in for the group. Whenever one of the ladies calls in sick, or has to attend some sort of event - she gets bumped up from the minor leagues to play with the big girls. Mona, although a neighbourhood gal, is clearly of a different social class then her over the top friends and so spends most of her time biting her nails hearing all about the lavish trips and parties her friends are planning. The Brigade has never had to work, while Mona secretly supplements her husbands income with teaching. her friends consider her a noble soldier, as she instill Yidishe values in the next generation of wealth, but hey - a paycheck's a paycheck. And so Mona arrived to be with her friends who were just like her and yet the whole time she seemed impressed with what her other friends were doing with their lives. "The Brigade is planning this trip in the summer..." Mona lamented her tenuous inclusion with the group desperately wanting inclusion. The problem of course is that she's not really one the Brigade. She's their poorer cousin, suitable for temporary fun, but never to be considered one of the girls.

And really - therein lies the problem, or one of the problems, of life in the Village. There's always someone who has more money then you and in the Village chances are there are a lot of people who have a lot more money then you do. Sure you can fake it, but you know you're still Faux; and sadly if you live your life like Mona, always at the edges of the inner circle, you'll go crazy. Trust.

So my news years resolution for those who care - Be Happy With What I Got. (And as I write this - Sublime popped onto my itunes - Love is What I got). Fate! Huzzah!

Coming up this season:
- I introduce readers to: The Bird Lady
- Haiku Friday's Return

~Faux Hillary


Anonymous said...

if i get the cashmere collection does it mean that i will get back my cashmere cardi as well? just promise you won't send the lovely cardi the way of my copy of middlesex.

Anonymous said...

as a gay boy in FH i LOVE your blog.. keep it up