Sunday, January 13, 2008

This is How It's Done in Faux Hill...

I am a fairly obnoxious person. I have no student debt, I lived with my parents for two years after McGill and should I ever truly run out of money I could hop on the subway for one stop and borrow some cash money bling from my parents. Fuck... sometimes I still borrow wine from my dads wine cellar. I'm pretty sure the only thing that gets me by in life are my eyelashes which someone once referred to as "disarming"; certainly its not my looks as a lovely man at a gay bar pointed out to me the other week - "you're not going to be pretty forever, I can already see fat on your face" (don't worry - I purged as soon as I got home).

For the Canadian norm I am a spoiled brat in a pair of $200 jeans and a cashmere v-neck. Fair enough right?

But... in my own defense and much to Sim Sim Sima's surpise at 25 I'm pretty much self sufficient, save for the Tropicana Orange Juice I sometimes steal from the two-fer. And certainly while I finally do pay for my entire lifestyle cutbacks have certainly been made. For example - over Christmas break, as most of my brethren spent a week down Mexico way - I spent a week on an air mattress entertaining houseguests. The only tan this JAP has is from self-tanning (not that I do self-tan, but if I did have a tan you can bet your last sheckle it would be fake as I spend too much money at the Rebel House, Le Paradis and the Bloor Street Diner to afford vacation...) So while life at my above average Canadian wage is doable I have had to cut out some of the perks of a Faux Hill lifestyle.

Not so for some of your favourite Village rat's, because why cut your expenses - when your parents are still willing to foot your bills?

Meet Daniella (or Dr. Daniella as the case may be). The good doctor is a first year resident and making a first year residents salary. She has no medical school debt, because her top of the line lawyer father paid for medical school and her housing costs are minimal at best because her parents bought her the condo she shares with her lawyer husband. Unfortunately Daniella is used to the Pusateri's side of life and as a first year resident she doesn't yet make enough to keep her in the lifestyle to which she's been accustomed. I know what most of you are yelling at your computer: STOP SHOPPING AT PUSI'S DANIELLA, or DO YOU NEED ANOTHER COACH PURSE, DANIELLA? But... just as you yelled at Drew Barrymore in Scream - DO NOT GO OUTSIDE, such insight has more to do with objectivity then anything else... and clearly you nor I have not been spending enough time in the Village (where friends like S. have noticed that long-time Village stalwart Davids by Day has closed up shop, don't worry - I'm sure whatever opens in its place will offer a mesculin mix salad).

So what does a good Doctor of the Village do who is living beyond her means? She asks for an allowance, of course. Silly reader, self sufficiency is for chumps.

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