Thursday, December 13, 2007

Village Love

I have something a bit meatier to talk about - but that shit has got to wait for me to edit and alas I do have a job that sometimes requires me to work (odd - I know for those people who think I sit in my cubicle and stalk people on Facebook, which I do occassionally - especially if I've slept with you - then I probably obsessively look at your profile, even if we last had sex like two years ago, then I chuckle at potentially how fat you've gotten, or about how you started to dig chicks after we slept together nd then I wonder if I'm like toxic or something...) and so a little something more light-hearted for this aft.

But anyway - back to my mother, whom I love dearly, even if, our relationship is quite the Faux Hill mother/son stereotype.

"Why are you so neurotic?" A WASPY boyfriend, whose mother was so removed and cold I retrospectically liked her more then I liked her son, once asked me. "You've met my mother haven't you?" Was my reply.

In her sidetime, when she isn't working or cleaning out our basement in preparation for her move to Mexico (circa 2012), Sim Sim Sima does a fair bit of neighbourhood Faux Hillary schmoozing. Of our neighbours her favourite family is probably the Ming Dynasty. The Ming Dynasty does something that makes them a lot of money and live in a large house down the street from us. Sim Sim Sima doesn't realize that they are quite famous Toronto celebrity types - she just thinks their house is really nice and she knows they have a lot of money, which impresses her. "They have Frette linen tablecloths!" More importantly, they have a daughter. A younge, pretty, daughter who will inhereit the Ming Dynasty.

"I was over at Becca's house last night." Becca being the daugther. "Such a lovely girl. So well raised. So well mannered."
"Yes mom..."
"She's always asking how you're doing. I think she has a little crush on you."
"Tell her I like penis."
"Still not interested, not a bit? She's really beautiful."
"You wouldn't have to work."
"I wouldn't be happy."
"But you're single now anyway... Why don't you just try?"

And so it continues and I wonder why Sim Sim Sima doesn't spend more time at Upper Canada trying to find me a nice little gaygetz who wants to go to law or medical school? Will fuck for food. I also make a mean spaghetti sauce, and give a pretty solid BJ. All solid selling points. But whatever... I'm digressing.

To wit - my friend Laura wants me to marry our mutual friend whom I'll call Frizzle. Frizzle is a lesbian. She's also Jewish. We're both Gews, gay jews... so its perfect, right?
"She grew up in Cederville, you grew up in Forest Hill. It's perfect. Love across Bathurst."
"But we're both gay."
"You'll please your parents though..."
"What are we going to do - express our vows over a rainbow coloured scruntchie?"
"Please. Hair scruntchie's - what is this 1996?"

So the question is this - to what extent are boys of the Village willing to go to please their mothers? Or perhaps is the question moot; as I told mom how I did on my GMAT's, she voiced: "maybe you should re-write it - you can probably do better." But really... that's how I know she loves me :)

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